I read about panic attack long time ago. The symptom goes like this: "In the middle of the day/night I suddenly have a heart attack. I have chronic panic. My chest hurts so much. I have a hard time breathing. I want to scream, but I can't. Why do I panic? I do not know. It just happen." As weird as it is, I believe it is caused by repressed trauma. Something traumatize you in the past. It's so freaking terrible, that you just repress the whole thing completely. You cannot acknowledge to face it in the first place. But the thing about repressed emotion is, they haunt you. They will always return. They beg to be fixed. When they return to you, you might do your best to repress them again. Then they came back again. Then you repress them again. The cycle goes on and on. Everytime it comes back, it gets worse and worse. To the point, where it become unmanagable. It evolve into the worst possible version of nightmare you can ever imagine ever. From there, begin series of...
It's just my personal story Whenever I ponder about something, my mind wander from thought to thought, and 1,5 hours pass by. Half of the time, they lead to entertaining thoughts. Imaginative things. Things like ideas for blog, business, art.. Half the other time, it reach plateau. That means my tank is already emptied. But I always keep brute-forcing the way, because i have no other source for insight. So I keep digging. You know what happen when you dig an empty bedrock? Burnout . Heat, tiredness, flame of hellfire that gave you heartburn. I realize in the end that digging insight from that place only result in me getting irrationality and anxiety. So, here we are. Me with my daily existensial crisis. "What's the point of living?" 🙂 The other time, I did meditation. They were really good. As weird as it is, I go through some transcending moments. Meditation leads to calmness, compassion, and inner peace. But that soon reach a plateau as well. Now, most of my medi...